


all too well

by annabethsperseus



Category: These Violent Delights - Chloe Gong
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Canon, Reflection, the aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27791974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabethsperseus/pseuds/annabethsperseus
Summary: He understands it all too well, and he can feel his heart splinter and harden as he does.OR: Roma's thoughts directly after the last scene.
Relationships: Juliette Cai/Roma Montagov
Comments: 23
Kudos: 43





	all too well

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not expecting anybody to read this, but i'm losing my fucking mind over _these violent delights_ by chloe gong. this book is a masterpiece, and romajuliette is my new obsession - go read it if you haven't! 
> 
> this takes place directly after the last scene of the book, so spoilers… duh. i purposefully tried to not have any plot because we don’t know what's going to happen in the sequel - which i'm already so excited for. so keep in mind that this was written two weeks after the book was released if it ends up contradicting anything in _our violent ends_
> 
> title from _all too well_ by taylor swift.

He barely feels the tug of Alisa's hand as they retreat. He barely feels anything as images from the last few moments - the red emerging from Marshall's chest, the firm set of Juliette's jaw, _Mybergh Road_ \- make his heart sink and his throat tighten. How can he have the capacity to feel anything when he feels _too_ much - grief for Marshall, grief for his mother, grief for the hope that had been so recently rekindled - ?

"None of it was real," Juliette had told him, hurt and anger flashing behind her eyes, days before. Those words stung; they tore at a wound that Roma had ignored for four years, renewed his mourning for all the blood and hurt he'd caused.

He supposes she was right in the end, just as she always seems to be. If his vision would clear, if his head stopped spinning, he would see her back in the hospital room, telling her cousin how it wasn't real, in fact. A dalliance for information, she called it.

He'd objected. He'd thought he changed. Yet for all his worry that he'd become a killer, a monster, with no room for softness or what's right, a part of him was too soft. Too hopeful. Too willing to believe that their love - or _his_ love, he realizes now - could survive in this city. That it could be real.

And God, how he'd hoped. He can recall the touch of the glass window against his fingertips, taste the liquor on her lips from the night at the brothel, feel the softness of his hand against hers in the alley. She'd reached for him, told him they'd have a 'proper chat' when it was all over. A laugh gets caught in his dry throat at the thought - he knows now what she must have wanted to say.

For a few hours, he'd hoped that could just be Roma and Juliette, not Roma Montagov and Juliette Cai, the heirs of rival gangs. He'd thought that they could slip into how it used to be, that they could be a team again, that he could come _home_.

But like Juliette, he'd been right, at least at the beginning of their 'dalliance.' He thought that she was not the same indomitable girl but a monster, a monster that he hated. He thought that she'd changed, that she was dangerous, that she no longer mourned or cared. And he had been right, even when he thought himself wrong.

Their love, real or not, had always been rooted in understanding. When they were fourteen, they understood each other's need for a confidant, an escape. They'd understood each other's references and strategies, their pressures and ambitions, better than anybody else in the world could.

And now, feeling too little and too much, he understands it all too well. He understands how his hope had been a dangerous and doomed thing. How he'd been a fool all too easy for her to play. How they had both changed too much to ever be the way they were… or at least the way he _thought_ they had been before the words _Mybergh Road_ came from her mouth.

He understands it all too well, and he can feel his heart splinter and harden as he does.

**Author's Note:**

> might go back and edit this shitty piece later, but this was just an excuse for me to get into the head of my new favorite male character and also process that heartbreaking ending. if you haven't yet... go read _these violent delights_!!!
> 
> a lot of the language in here obviously took a lot of inspiration from _all too well_ and some other taylor swift songs because she's the queen of heartbreak. one book blog made a taylor swift playlist for romajuliette that i seriously suggest listening to. 
> 
> main: annabethsperseus
> 
> tvd sideblog: montagovscai
> 
> \- joya


End file.
